10 Signs You're a Bad GoodFriend 1

Being an alien on an alien planet is never easy. There are things one has to learn and adapt to so as not to reveal their hidden agendas. (If you noticed, I’ve still not revealed my hidden agenda, that’s why it's hidden..and I’m not revealing it. I intend to keep it that way, ok?) anyway, being alien to mannerisms of humans, I happen to make some very very very bad mistakes in the field of what humans called friendship.
If you identify with 5 or more of these, you must be one of those memory-modified aliens. Haha! Sucks to be you!

Anyway, here goes

·         Haha! Human!
You're constantly making fun of your friends and not just in pure jest..but comments that could probably hurt them. And you realize that precisely 9000 seconds later. Regretting it. But then again, you don’t apologize. Ever.
I understand that humans are weird and funny and stupid, but please, refrain from pointing it out every 15 minutes.

·         The Test.
You test your friends at each and every point of your friendship. Every day, every second for you is a heart wrenching, death defying examination of whether they are honest, trustworthy or not and each next second is a test of whether they still retain it. My experience on earth has taught me that humans aren’t very fond of examinations.

·         Fool me never.

You think 100 times before telling someone something related to yourself. Justified. I thought 100 000 000 000 times before I decided to reveal my origin. But that's O.K. with weird people around you who you want to K.O. all the time. BUT if you think 10 times even before telling your ‘friends’ a secret, you know you're a bad living creature with trust issues.

·         May the ego be ever in your favor.
Your ego goes with you everywhere. Even when you're with friends. You cannot lose it, ever.  It's oxygen for you. Your friends probably accept you for this, but believe you me, people accept a certain amount of ego, anything over that limit and you’re out of their lives. FRIENDSHIP OVER!

·         Judge them! Judge them all!

Every time they say something, you judge them. You judge their each and every move (and your own). Are they fit to be in your company? Are they good enough? Are you good enough to be with them? Do they like Batman? Do they believe in aliens? Will it ever stop? Probably..NOT.


So humans, do you identify with them? Do you think that I have gotten a completely wrong idea of bad human friendship?
What are the things in YOU that make you a bad friend?

Next 5 points up soon! :'D

Till then, keep telling yourself this, it'll make you feel better. :)

Update:
You can read the second half here:
http://betwixt-and-beyond.blogspot.in/2013/08/10-signs-youre-bad-goodfriend-2.html

Les Oceans Huge

Hello. Hi. Hi again.
I realize that I'm a bad blogger and even though nobody was really looking forward to my poems and everybody probably overlooked the fact that I did not write last week as I was supposed to, I shall still make it a point to bang my head on a granite platform for being a typical, new blogger who makes commitments and forgets about them because she found a rainbow colored pony. I'm a bad, bad person. Hit me.

No, I'm not into S&M.

No, please don't fantasize.

Do you like birthdays? I do. I especially like being the first one to wish someone on their birthday. And I usually end up being the first one due to my hard work. Back on our planet, a birthday comes up every 2 earth years, approximately . Since it takes around 750 days for our planet to complete one revolution. They're not really a big deal though. All we do is host a dinner for all the people living within a 4 km radius of the birthday Xex.(Xex is a general term used to refer to us, like 'humans' for you.) The food to be served HAS to be made by the Xex. That explains why everybody ate so less at my birthdays, I am bad at cooking. VERY bad. I can't cook to save my own life. (But I can kill with it. Yay!)

Anyway, yesterday was one of my best friend's birthday and of all the people I could forget to wish (but don't), I forgot HERS! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Forgetting your best friend's birthday is a heinous crime! I didn't wish her at 12! I wished her at 10 fucking a.m.! So I'll write a poem for her. She loves them. Her name rhymes with Ocean. She loves ducks. (I think.)

As I looked across the sea..
I saw quite a few ducks..
Guess how many were they?
Equal to the number of I-give-a-fucks..

No. I won't. Go away.

Life was sad, and oceans were gloomy..
But! Alas! There was a duck..
which subtly tried to woo me..

The great seas refused to accept..
And with a huge force, they leapt..
As usual, I had overslept..
Slowly and slowly, the fear, it crept..

Upon me, the waves waved..
Upon me, the wind raved..

I can never go back to
my ship again. Ever.

Upon me, it was all a dream..
Upon me, the TV played Chota Bheem..

I realized my folly..
Accepted the punishment with grace..
Only to realize, it was not gonna be jolly..
I was now, locked in a maze..


How'd you find the poem? Sound off in the comments! (remember, they're not really supposed to make sense, but if you come up with some awesome interpretation, I'll totally hail you as one of THE most talented readers ever!)

Also, I take requests. REQUEST, come on!

I'm sorry I forgot to wish you woman! Forgive me o great friend, for I have sinned!
Don't wish me on my birthday. :D

Ciao!

Les Poems, Of Bongs and Slaves

YOLO peeps! Though I do have a much much longer life span than each of you. But hey! You gotta live when you gotta live.

I don't even know why I said something that unfunny. 
Holy shit! 'Unfunny' is an actual word! Go figure.

So I don't have the origin story up yet BECAUSE it happened so long ago. And FINE! my white and grey cells do outnumber the quantity you have. (Actually, they don't. We have red, blue and yellow cells for memory, intelligence and beauty respectively. They're much brighter colors and break the usual white and grey standard, see? We are so much more fun than the humans even from the inside.) Anyway, so I just want everything to be true and not exaggerated. You get what I mean? I just wanna help you all to know and understand perfectly, the beginning of life on earth for an alien.

Okay fine! I have exams next week. I don't get the time to write. Go ahead and judge me!

Anyway, here's this week's le poèm läme
(In the cool music part, just imagine the coolest rap music playing in the background. Okay?)


So you thought I was going to write..

This is Woo-Hooing.

And you had a breakfast lite..
Well, sorry to disappoint you..
I was busy making my sims WooHoo!

---Cool Music---

So, I searched for my pencil
And I searched for my pen
Forgetting that the hens had gone to the den..
I wondered and wondered what the heck was wrong..

I know this is a duck. A bishounen duck.
But I couldn't find a cooler hen!

Then I remembered I was friends with a Bong!

So I guess everything makes sense.
She is afraid of getting an eye lens..
This poem is gonna send her to the moon..
Out of her house, out of her cocoon!

As lame as this poem might be...
Who cares? I'm just being Despicable Me.
I gotta train my dragon and be Brave.
Excuse me now, I gotta attend to my slave.


P.S. Bong and Slave, I hope you feel bad after reading this poem and commit suicide. For you. xoxo.

P.P.S. If you actually commit suicide, I will totally judge you cuz this poem doesn't even insult you.

P.P.P.S. This poem does not intend to hurt any other Bongs or Slaves. It refers to my 'friends' who I call Bong and Slave. :D

Les Poèms d'young X'hal

Bonjour mes amis!

Living on planet Earth for more than ten years has opened up my minds (yes, plural), to different forms of art such as moving ones body in weird ways, commonly called dancing, using uniformly coordinated hair dipped in artificial colors and moving it around on a surface, referred to as painting and rhyming, or what it's commonly called poetry, though I've only figured out the rhyming part. I mean, why is a prose which does not have an ounce of rhyme still called poetry? That is stupid. Poetry is fun as long as you rhyme, otherwise it ain't worth even a dime.

As many of you already know, I am a budding poet ('cuz I rhyme, fellas!) who has already released about three volumes of her work. You can read them on my blog archives, titled 'Les Poèms Lämes', they're really cool and I'm sure you'll love them. If you don't, get yourself to like them.

On popular demand, I'm bringing back my amazing, witty and absolutely delighting creations in this world. But, sad part is, I'll only do them weekly.

Here's a BACK TO POETRY! poem for this week.

"Come back! Come back!" screamed the birds.
"Revenez! Revenez!" cried the turds.
Everyone was shouting.
Abandoning their outing.

It touched me way too deep
I cried to all, "My dear peep!

Fear not, for I shall be back."
And the token black guy said
"Dayyumn! That iiis WHACK!"

The waterfalls ceased to fall..
In the ballroom, danced a football..
The speakers no longer spake..
And humans would no longer mate..

Here I am, back from the break
For another, for a third take..
On every Thursday, I shall write..
Beware! I might even bite. ;)

I'll take requests, there are a few pending ones already though.
But do not worry peeps! I shall create a life out of your requests soon enough!

P.S. Origin story soon to be up!

For now..
FOLLOW THAT CAR!

The Secret

Disclaimer : This is in no way related to the stupid book by Rhonda Bryne called The Secret which is supposed to help you but is an absolute piece of bullshit. All self help books are. Don't trust them. EVER.

This is the reason why I took such a long break after a long break. :|
To prepare myself for this.

But.

I guess, it's time.

For the revelation.

For the secret.

Of my life.

I've been hiding this all my life. Ever since I was 'born'. Why in quotes? You're about to find out.

Remember the last image on my last blog post? It wasn't a joke.

My real name is X'hal X'ane and I'm from the planet X'eros. A planet the size of the Earth's moon, about a million light years away from the farthest object visible from the naked eye from the Earth, the Andromeda Galaxy which is itself about 2.5 million light years away from your current location. That is all I'm willing to give out about my home planet. The technology I used to get here? Well, I just fell from space, but how did the space ship get here?  Yes. I can withstand heat even at insanely high temperatures. Not telling you. I hope you all get curious. And then DIE!

I was thrown out of my space ship precisely for the reason that I suggested we attack England instead of the usual US of A, 'cuz you know? Boys. And abs. And British accent. And Alan Rickman. And Hugh Grant. And Colin Firth. And Tom Felton. And Daniel Radcliffe..But I'm deviating from the point. I'm an actual female, we call them Xenor back on our planet, and they are not raped.

The other sexes? Where's the real Soumya? How did I get this appearance? What is my real appearance? Why did I not go back? Why did no one come to take me back? How does the human world look to me? Can I see all colors? Do I get your jokes? Do I think of my homeland? Am I insane?

I shall answer all these and more..go onto other details and other reasons in future posts. (Because I need topics for my blog.)

Summary : I'm X'hal X'ane, an 'alien' for the earthlings. I have been observing humans for the past 15 years or so..since I first landed on the dirty-blue planet. This blog is going to be the window to the thoughts of an alien. Betwixt and Beyond.

Ciao! :D

P.S.: If you noticed, I've finally revealed my real interests on my blog visually. YOLO bitch!