10 Signs You're a Bad GoodFriend 2

FINALLY. Here’s the second half of the signs that tell you that you’re a horrible friend (not that anyone was waiting for it). Turns out I was waiting for another chance for myself to realize that I’m one. I suck at impersonating a human. I guess people who like Batman just don’t trust anyone.   

• Look at me? Please? Okayyyyyy..NOW!                        
  You require constant attention. No no, not just that one particular friend that you almost think you had a crush on. But from all of them. Each one of your friends. When and where you want it. Oh wait. No. You expect them to read every little thought of your mind AND know when to leave you alone (because you obviously need your space too, right?), and when to approach you even though you asked them to leave you alone. Something is seriously wrong with you, you cruel, sick, selfish bastard!                                                                                                            
  
• Bring it on!
  You never relax. Nope. Never. Not every second is a competition, especially not when you're with your friends. You strive to prove yourself right, assert your opinion, and display your arrogance. Why? Cuz you CAN, that’s why!                                                                              
• You love me?
  Thank you! Love you too. lol jk- You're a sucker for compliments. you love them. You adore them, but in your twisted brain, giving compliments is a huuuuge task. you can't get yourself to speak positive stuff because you're just that negative. you can't tell people you love that you love them cuz you're a freaky, emotionally, socially awkward penguin.                                                                                                                                
  
• Give and Take
  
  
  Despite the fact that you're in a relationship as pure as distilled water itself. Friendship. You want everything to be a give and take affair. You think it is absolutely ridiculous to give someone more than they deserve (more than YOU think they deserve to be precise). You might be a giver at heart and give it your all in the end. But you WILL take it back. And curse them if you don’t get it.                                                
  
  
• I'm the best.
  You might actually be the best friend one could ever get, (it is true in my case, ok?), but you believing that you're absolutely, very very very necessary in your friends' lives is bullshit. They could probably do without you, but don't, cuz you're..well..different. Or in fact, you might actually be thinking that you're useless and your friends don't need you at all, which is again a baseless assumption and you need to stop thinking so much over it. They talk to you because they love you, deal with it. You're awesome!
  
  
  
  

So well, I guess that's that. Try to correct all these things. As will I.

You can read the first part of the post here:

http://betwixt-and-beyond.blogspot.in/2013/03/10-signs-youre-bad-goodfriend-1.html

Ciao!

I'm just so sad. 

Of Lazy Mornings and Afternoons..

Haha!
I am SO bad at keeping this blog alive. It is literally starving for posts. So here's another. A poem. Which was supposedly going to be a weekly affair but thanks to my exams and my Level 100 laziness, it wasn't.

So the following poem can be read as it is or you could play some background music from the player and rap/sing along. :D
(It is timed according to the poem. Start after initial 5 seconds.)

Lazy mornings and lazy afternoons
My head, all the while, goes ka-boom!
Work on my left and food on my right
Niggas asking me to work, looking for a fight..

I wish to dance and I wish to read..
but most of all, I wish to sleep.
Waking up is such a *&$^# chore.
All I wanna do is sleep some more!

The sun is shining and it's 45 degrees.
It is best I sit inside and eat Chinese.
Maybe I could watch some movies too.
Hey! How about a Kung Fu Cow's moo?

Pity, a pity that it's all so shitty.
The loo, the moo, and no Despicable Me 2.
Maybe, just maybe it's all part of the BIG plan.
But only saying, it could all be just a sham.

I hope you enjoy your summer. I'm sure you ARE enjoying it if you're not in Delhi.
DAMMIT I SHOULD'VE CHOSEN THE NORTH POLE FOR MY MISSION (Which you're still unaware of).

Also, I was thinking I could actually SING and upload the file. Would you like me to do that? :P

And credits to this video for the beat. NOT made by me. Earth sure has talent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtQhz6YMwPg

If Not for Modern Medicine..

Modern medicine has changed the lives of many, saved the lives of many and given lives to many.

In association with Apollo Hospitals, which has touched lives in more ways than can be counted, IndiBlogger invited us all to write on How Modern Medicine Has Touched Lives..

BUT what if it hadn’t?

What if it’d never been found out and mankind was forever into the dark abyss that he’d created? Here are a few would’ve been facts that would’ve been true had Modern Medicine NOT touched the delicate humans’ lives..

1. No Defibrillation
   Seriously? No THIS?! The movies/sitcoms of earth wouldn’t be the same without these electrifying inventions! If not for modern medicine, we wouldn’t be able to zap people back to consciousness, people who’ve almost gone. Even by untrained people. Yep, that’s right. Modern medicine makes things THAT easy.
    
2.  Human population would’ve been much lesser
   Yep, that’s correct..though I guess everyone already knew this. The progress in the field of medicine has affected the Infant Mortality Rate in such a drastic way that (directly lifted from Wikipedia quoted coming up) It is estimated that the world population reached one billion for the first time in 1804. It was another 123 years before it reached two billion in 1927, but it took only 33 years to reach three billion in 1960. Thereafter, the global population reached four billion in 1974, five billion in 1987, six billion in 1999 and seven billion in October 2011.
    
3. Direct Blood Transfusion ONLY…uh-oh
   Early experiments in this field involved animal to animal, animal to human and eventually human to human blood transfusion. But blood left outside the body would quickly coagulate and become solid. So obviously, you can’t always have a potential donor right next to the patient. But thanks to the medicine of today, we can actually store blood and give around ninety two million people every year a chance to save millions of lives. I hope I never need a blood transfusion; there have been no aliens yet.

   

   ONLY this could've saved lives.

4. Only ‘God’ could’ve helped
   And let’s face it..there haven’t been many times when these imaginary friends have helped divert huge disasters costing millions of lives, injuring many more and destroying an even bigger number of families. People, above all, value their health, whether they know it or not. Thanks to doctors’ miracles, questions have been raised about the truth of the supreme beings supposedly controlling us and more interested in destroying us. Yep, aliens too.
    
5. Survival of the Physically Fittest
   Couple that with the couch potatoes humans have turned into, and I am 100% sure that this would’ve led the human race eventually die out. (And then we can claim the earth as our own planet and make slaves out of the remains of you.) So yes, modern medicine is the reason why humans aren’t extinct. And scientists live up to the age where they can actually find out stuff. And aliens haven’t come to colonize the earth yet. Be thankful!
   

   

      VERY VERY LETHAL.
   Do NOT try this at home.

Help modern medicine in touching as many lives as you can..by simply spreading love. Because that’s what medicine has..a pinch of love..

And Ethyl paraben..

And Propyl paraben..

And Azithromycin dehydrate

And Titanium dioxide..

And Clotrimazole..

And Silver sulfadiazine..

And Chlorhexidini gluconate..

…

…

…

.. and a lot more things!

10 Signs You're a Bad GoodFriend 1

Being an alien on an alien planet is never easy. There are things one has to learn and adapt to so as not to reveal their hidden agendas. (If you noticed, I’ve still not revealed my hidden agenda, that’s why it's hidden..and I’m not revealing it. I intend to keep it that way, ok?) anyway, being alien to mannerisms of humans, I happen to make some very very very bad mistakes in the field of what humans called friendship.
If you identify with 5 or more of these, you must be one of those memory-modified aliens. Haha! Sucks to be you!

Anyway, here goes

·         Haha! Human!
You're constantly making fun of your friends and not just in pure jest..but comments that could probably hurt them. And you realize that precisely 9000 seconds later. Regretting it. But then again, you don’t apologize. Ever.
I understand that humans are weird and funny and stupid, but please, refrain from pointing it out every 15 minutes.

·         The Test.
You test your friends at each and every point of your friendship. Every day, every second for you is a heart wrenching, death defying examination of whether they are honest, trustworthy or not and each next second is a test of whether they still retain it. My experience on earth has taught me that humans aren’t very fond of examinations.

·         Fool me never.

You think 100 times before telling someone something related to yourself. Justified. I thought 100 000 000 000 times before I decided to reveal my origin. But that's O.K. with weird people around you who you want to K.O. all the time. BUT if you think 10 times even before telling your ‘friends’ a secret, you know you're a bad living creature with trust issues.

·         May the ego be ever in your favor.
Your ego goes with you everywhere. Even when you're with friends. You cannot lose it, ever.  It's oxygen for you. Your friends probably accept you for this, but believe you me, people accept a certain amount of ego, anything over that limit and you’re out of their lives. FRIENDSHIP OVER!

·         Judge them! Judge them all!

Every time they say something, you judge them. You judge their each and every move (and your own). Are they fit to be in your company? Are they good enough? Are you good enough to be with them? Do they like Batman? Do they believe in aliens? Will it ever stop? Probably..NOT.


So humans, do you identify with them? Do you think that I have gotten a completely wrong idea of bad human friendship?
What are the things in YOU that make you a bad friend?

Next 5 points up soon! :'D

Till then, keep telling yourself this, it'll make you feel better. :)

Update:
You can read the second half here:
http://betwixt-and-beyond.blogspot.in/2013/08/10-signs-youre-bad-goodfriend-2.html

Les Oceans Huge

Hello. Hi. Hi again.
I realize that I'm a bad blogger and even though nobody was really looking forward to my poems and everybody probably overlooked the fact that I did not write last week as I was supposed to, I shall still make it a point to bang my head on a granite platform for being a typical, new blogger who makes commitments and forgets about them because she found a rainbow colored pony. I'm a bad, bad person. Hit me.

No, I'm not into S&M.

No, please don't fantasize.

Do you like birthdays? I do. I especially like being the first one to wish someone on their birthday. And I usually end up being the first one due to my hard work. Back on our planet, a birthday comes up every 2 earth years, approximately . Since it takes around 750 days for our planet to complete one revolution. They're not really a big deal though. All we do is host a dinner for all the people living within a 4 km radius of the birthday Xex.(Xex is a general term used to refer to us, like 'humans' for you.) The food to be served HAS to be made by the Xex. That explains why everybody ate so less at my birthdays, I am bad at cooking. VERY bad. I can't cook to save my own life. (But I can kill with it. Yay!)

Anyway, yesterday was one of my best friend's birthday and of all the people I could forget to wish (but don't), I forgot HERS! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Forgetting your best friend's birthday is a heinous crime! I didn't wish her at 12! I wished her at 10 fucking a.m.! So I'll write a poem for her. She loves them. Her name rhymes with Ocean. She loves ducks. (I think.)

As I looked across the sea..
I saw quite a few ducks..
Guess how many were they?
Equal to the number of I-give-a-fucks..

No. I won't. Go away.

Life was sad, and oceans were gloomy..
But! Alas! There was a duck..
which subtly tried to woo me..

The great seas refused to accept..
And with a huge force, they leapt..
As usual, I had overslept..
Slowly and slowly, the fear, it crept..

Upon me, the waves waved..
Upon me, the wind raved..

I can never go back to
my ship again. Ever.

Upon me, it was all a dream..
Upon me, the TV played Chota Bheem..

I realized my folly..
Accepted the punishment with grace..
Only to realize, it was not gonna be jolly..
I was now, locked in a maze..


How'd you find the poem? Sound off in the comments! (remember, they're not really supposed to make sense, but if you come up with some awesome interpretation, I'll totally hail you as one of THE most talented readers ever!)

Also, I take requests. REQUEST, come on!

I'm sorry I forgot to wish you woman! Forgive me o great friend, for I have sinned!
Don't wish me on my birthday. :D

Ciao!

Les Poems, Of Bongs and Slaves

YOLO peeps! Though I do have a much much longer life span than each of you. But hey! You gotta live when you gotta live.

I don't even know why I said something that unfunny. 
Holy shit! 'Unfunny' is an actual word! Go figure.

So I don't have the origin story up yet BECAUSE it happened so long ago. And FINE! my white and grey cells do outnumber the quantity you have. (Actually, they don't. We have red, blue and yellow cells for memory, intelligence and beauty respectively. They're much brighter colors and break the usual white and grey standard, see? We are so much more fun than the humans even from the inside.) Anyway, so I just want everything to be true and not exaggerated. You get what I mean? I just wanna help you all to know and understand perfectly, the beginning of life on earth for an alien.

Okay fine! I have exams next week. I don't get the time to write. Go ahead and judge me!

Anyway, here's this week's le poèm läme
(In the cool music part, just imagine the coolest rap music playing in the background. Okay?)


So you thought I was going to write..

This is Woo-Hooing.

And you had a breakfast lite..
Well, sorry to disappoint you..
I was busy making my sims WooHoo!

---Cool Music---

So, I searched for my pencil
And I searched for my pen
Forgetting that the hens had gone to the den..
I wondered and wondered what the heck was wrong..

I know this is a duck. A bishounen duck.
But I couldn't find a cooler hen!

Then I remembered I was friends with a Bong!

So I guess everything makes sense.
She is afraid of getting an eye lens..
This poem is gonna send her to the moon..
Out of her house, out of her cocoon!

As lame as this poem might be...
Who cares? I'm just being Despicable Me.
I gotta train my dragon and be Brave.
Excuse me now, I gotta attend to my slave.


P.S. Bong and Slave, I hope you feel bad after reading this poem and commit suicide. For you. xoxo.

P.P.S. If you actually commit suicide, I will totally judge you cuz this poem doesn't even insult you.

P.P.P.S. This poem does not intend to hurt any other Bongs or Slaves. It refers to my 'friends' who I call Bong and Slave. :D

Les Poèms d'young X'hal

Bonjour mes amis!

Living on planet Earth for more than ten years has opened up my minds (yes, plural), to different forms of art such as moving ones body in weird ways, commonly called dancing, using uniformly coordinated hair dipped in artificial colors and moving it around on a surface, referred to as painting and rhyming, or what it's commonly called poetry, though I've only figured out the rhyming part. I mean, why is a prose which does not have an ounce of rhyme still called poetry? That is stupid. Poetry is fun as long as you rhyme, otherwise it ain't worth even a dime.

As many of you already know, I am a budding poet ('cuz I rhyme, fellas!) who has already released about three volumes of her work. You can read them on my blog archives, titled 'Les Poèms Lämes', they're really cool and I'm sure you'll love them. If you don't, get yourself to like them.

On popular demand, I'm bringing back my amazing, witty and absolutely delighting creations in this world. But, sad part is, I'll only do them weekly.

Here's a BACK TO POETRY! poem for this week.

"Come back! Come back!" screamed the birds.
"Revenez! Revenez!" cried the turds.
Everyone was shouting.
Abandoning their outing.

It touched me way too deep
I cried to all, "My dear peep!

Fear not, for I shall be back."
And the token black guy said
"Dayyumn! That iiis WHACK!"

The waterfalls ceased to fall..
In the ballroom, danced a football..
The speakers no longer spake..
And humans would no longer mate..

Here I am, back from the break
For another, for a third take..
On every Thursday, I shall write..
Beware! I might even bite. ;)

I'll take requests, there are a few pending ones already though.
But do not worry peeps! I shall create a life out of your requests soon enough!

P.S. Origin story soon to be up!

For now..
FOLLOW THAT CAR!

The Secret

Disclaimer : This is in no way related to the stupid book by Rhonda Bryne called The Secret which is supposed to help you but is an absolute piece of bullshit. All self help books are. Don't trust them. EVER.

This is the reason why I took such a long break after a long break. :|
To prepare myself for this.

But.

I guess, it's time.

For the revelation.

For the secret.

Of my life.

I've been hiding this all my life. Ever since I was 'born'. Why in quotes? You're about to find out.

Remember the last image on my last blog post? It wasn't a joke.

My real name is X'hal X'ane and I'm from the planet X'eros. A planet the size of the Earth's moon, about a million light years away from the farthest object visible from the naked eye from the Earth, the Andromeda Galaxy which is itself about 2.5 million light years away from your current location. That is all I'm willing to give out about my home planet. The technology I used to get here? Well, I just fell from space, but how did the space ship get here?  Yes. I can withstand heat even at insanely high temperatures. Not telling you. I hope you all get curious. And then DIE!

I was thrown out of my space ship precisely for the reason that I suggested we attack England instead of the usual US of A, 'cuz you know? Boys. And abs. And British accent. And Alan Rickman. And Hugh Grant. And Colin Firth. And Tom Felton. And Daniel Radcliffe..But I'm deviating from the point. I'm an actual female, we call them Xenor back on our planet, and they are not raped.

The other sexes? Where's the real Soumya? How did I get this appearance? What is my real appearance? Why did I not go back? Why did no one come to take me back? How does the human world look to me? Can I see all colors? Do I get your jokes? Do I think of my homeland? Am I insane?

I shall answer all these and more..go onto other details and other reasons in future posts. (Because I need topics for my blog.)

Summary : I'm X'hal X'ane, an 'alien' for the earthlings. I have been observing humans for the past 15 years or so..since I first landed on the dirty-blue planet. This blog is going to be the window to the thoughts of an alien. Betwixt and Beyond.

Ciao! :D

P.S.: If you noticed, I've finally revealed my real interests on my blog visually. YOLO bitch!

My Precious

Phew! And finally I coax myself into writing the first proper blog post (NOT Blog, as PeaBee told me), writing for the sole purpose of blogging. The sense of achievement I feel at completing this task is perhaps much more than anybody would allow and is proper. I mean, I just started. But hey! Isn't a good beginning supposed to be half the work done or something? EXACTLY. I am already on the highway to being a good blogger. Off the highway to hell, sadly. I've been planning to rule the helm of hell for quite sometime and I'm guessing the easiest and most logical first step would be to marry Satan himself. Or Hades. Whoever supposedly rules Hell. Right? And then murder them in their sleep..but they'd probably just come back to hell. Is it even possible to murder them? They are Gods. Evil, but Gods. Loophole found. Need to come up with something fresh and original. Soon.
Realization: I did NOT plan to reveal that to the world.
Yes, I could simply use backspace and delete it all but I won't. That's how badass I am. Heck yeah!
Anyway, what I'd planned for my first blog post was my introduction. Basically, a list of things I deeply love and would absolutely go insane (the good insane, mind you) if any information regarding them were to be thrown my way. I'm not very knowledgeable about all of these and I am no expert in any of these, or at least that's what I think. If anybody wants to proclaim me as the expert of something, PLEASE go ahead. I am very vain and love being praised.

Also, I'll keep the things I detest and leave no chance to speak against for some other time. (Because I need topics for my blog.)
So here goes:

• Batman : He is my favorite guy in the world. I don't care if he doesn't really exist. I don't care that Batman fans are considered to be oh-so-over-the-top and way too attached to Batman. I don't care if he can't defeat Superman (No, I'm pretty sure, he can't defeat him in a fair fight. And Tower of Babel was NOT fair). I still love this billionaire (or millionaire? I told you I'm no expert! My memory is failing me, I must be getting old.), philanthropist, badass guy in a bat suit. Why? 'Cuz he is the goddamn BATMAN. 'nuff said.
• Lord of The Rings: Now there could possibly be nothing that speaks against the awesomeness of the Lord of the Rings. Undoubtedly, the best book in the world for focusing your references on and all people who're worth talking to will get them. That also makes it a perfect test when searching for those worthy of your fellowship. Geddit? See what i did there? Exactly what I'm talking about. Not only is the book absolutely worthy of all the respect in the world, even the movie is a good lesson for all the have-been, are and would-be directors of movies based on books. I say that it should be compulsory for everyone to take inspiration from this amazing piece of art which shall remain unparalleled for an exceptionally long time.

• Harry Potter: Really? You want me to explain this? You want me to explain why Dobby The Free Elf rules? You want me to justify the more than 50 million strong fan base of Harry Potter? Nope. I don’t think so. You ask 50 million people. You’ll get as many answers. It might be a younger version of Lord of the Rings and aimed at a more casual audience, but who gives a fuck  when something tried and tested is presented to you in a completely new, different and equally awesome mold. http://www.vulture.com/2012/10/25-most-devoted-fans.html#photo=22x0000. Alright, this says that Twilight has more fans than Harry Potter AND Lord of the Rings. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!

• Pride and Prejudice: This one’s a classic and rightly so! One can never read too many books. And if you haven’t read this one, you’ve read less than the acceptable number of books. Go and Read. NOW. Mr. Darcy shall forever remain the gentleman. It is also quite clear that during the whole book, beginning to end, Mr.Darcy isn’t the dominating male making the choices. They were, beyond doubt, attracted to the others’ level of intellect. Also, no matter how ridiculously rich the man was, he must always win the woman’s respect before he takes the plunge and asks for her hand. (Yes! Suck on it  Austen haters who go around saying that a modern woman must not read her works because it supposedly sets feminism two centuries behind.)

• Non-violent games : Now I know when one thinks of video games, the immediate reaction is to think about those insanely bloody, gory and outright violent games which could one day be blamed for spreading the popularity of brute force in the male half of the earth. But when I say I play games, I mean pure, sweet, non-violent games. (And it’s NOT those internet barbie dress up and cooking games KAY?). I usually like games in the Arcade category and an occasional Brain and Puzzle. Action and Adventure too, but not a lot. The Sims series, Tomb Raider, Roller Coaster Tycoon, NFS figure in my Top Games list.



I am GOD.

• Human Psychology : What is more interesting than trying to predict what the human in front of you (or in any direction) thinking? I call it the ‘What’s s/he thinking game?’ (It’s not very creative, actually not at all. I KNOW.)  Humans are funny creatures. They have no particular habits which remain the same throughout, unlike animals. (who’re not meant to be consumed by humans BTW, go PETA! Stop with the naked ads though, like, SERIOUSLY). The best part is when you see their reaction to a certain thing. Ah so funny! And I’m not human in case you are wondering. I am a sweet, little, outer space alien who decided to make her home in India. Because aliens in America are too mainstream. I am the alien in the last panel. I landed in India.

Of course there are many more things that I like. I’ll leave them for later. (Because I need topics for my blog.)

I’ll write another post soon, if I can get myself to (I better), meanwhile, enjoy this beautifully simple Oscar nominated short film by Walt Disney Animation Studios: http://www.youtube.com/embed/aTLySbGoMX0

I wasn't paid to promote it...sadly

Until next time..